Self Destruction

I've fallen, over and over, into the same abyss.

Unlike others, I don't suffer as deeply, but I consistently fail to anticipate the pain that's to come, blinded by fleeting pleasures. My productivity wanes, my energy dwindles, new sorrows arise, and the specter of my past failures looms large.

It's unfair, I mean, why me? Is this my fate? Why am I so foolish? I'm sick of it all.

I despise myself.

But self-loathing is a dead-end.

I should be loving myself enough to become a better person. After all, I'm loved by my surroundings, family, and friends.

I need to learn gratitude. I can't control fate. All I can do is make things better.

I don't know, my mind is blank. I'm not sure I can stay on the right path. Right now, I'm convinced I'll fall back into that same pit.

I’m exhausted. I should just focus on what I can do tomorrow and go to sleep.